I'm 25!!

Well, my birthday was a week ago and it was much better than I thought it would be! =) We sold our camper and bought a pop-up camper, hubby bought me a new camera, and we put some money in the bank for Disney - unfortunately the electric bill came and took that.

Anyway, I got the okay to try again, so we're trying to conceive once more, but I have a feeling I may be pregnant, but very early. It could also be wishful thinking, but I don't feel like my period is going to start soon, I've been dreaming about being pregnant, and I feel like I am, but I don't have symptoms - if that makes sense. lol So I'm trying to drink more water, I've been walking, and I'm trying to eat healthier. Eh, we'll see in two weeks. :)

Changed daughter's name

We changed her name to Rose Ainsley so she could be like her brother and the other children we plan to have. 

I am doing much better these days, church Sunday definately helped. I'm actually looking forward to getting pregnant again and have been reading that I don't really need to wait once the bleeding stops and my hormone levels are back to normal - which both have already taken place. So maybe I'll get pregnant when we go to Disney World next month, that'd be pretty funny! Eh, we'll see what God has planned, I just hope this next baby is stickier. ;)

God gives us what we need

Alright, I thought this was funny. Several hours ago I was thinking, "I need some puppy love". Then an hour ago my yellow lab, Buddy, started barking at someone so hubby went outside to see who it was and my black lab, Hazzard, and my Boxerdoodle, Daisy, came barging in. :) They had climbed out of their 6 foot tall kennel (we made sure that's what happened, there weren't any holes at all)! That cheered me up more than I would ever have dreamed and even Remy's happier than he's seemed in days. Hazzard's following him around, giving him kisses, and being very loving towards him. It's so cute!

Today is Good Friday

Well, today is Good Friday, the day almost 2000 years ago when Jesus was crucified for our sins. I feel like I should celebrate, and I almost want to. :) I wish I did want to, but I don't want to celebrate much at the moment. I really could care less that my birthday is coming up in a few weeks, but I didn't care about that two weeks ago either. All I'm going to do is sit at home like any other day waiting for Robert to come home so we can eat dinner, watch movies we've seen dozens of times, and go to bed.

I also know some of my friends are going to ask if I want to talk about Ainsley, I do! But please, give me boundaries, ask questions, otherwise it's pretty awkward. I love her, just like I love Remy, but I don't have proof she ever existed except the pain burning away at my heart and a medical exam sheet. I'm going to make a bracelet to commemorate her with purple, clear, and blue beads for when she was conceived, when she died, and when she was due. I found a pretty angel toggle clasp I'm going to use and silver angel wing beads to seperate each group of three beads - I think it's going to be beautiful, but I would rather have her. 1000 hours of labor couldn't hurt this bad.

Hope it's okay to do this. :) I love this song, but it makes me cry so hard every time I hear it on KLOV. Anyway, hope y'all enjoy the lyrics.

Jeremy Camp Lyrics - There Will Be A Day Song Words
Song Words by Artist / Band : Jeremy Camp
Lyrics Title : There Will Be A Day
Available on Album : Speaking Louder Than Before
Single Released : September 23, 2008
Music Genre : Rock, christian contemporary music

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth
That we will enter in this rest with wonders a new
But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

Chorus
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel you’re walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Chorus
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting
I cant wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a lifeof shame and misery
This is why, this is why I sing

Getting healthy

I talked to my doctor's office this morning and all of my levels are down so Ainsley has completely passed so now I'm at the point where I can start getting healthy and be prepared for next time. I'm taking my prenatal vitamins, I'm going to start walking every day, and watch what I eat. Today I am enjoying my last soda and I'm going to wean myself down to one glass of sweet tea per day until we can start buying decaf. Then in two months we can try to get pregnant again, as long as we're ready.